Quarrels In Your Relationship Can Lead You To Happiness
No relationship starts by saying we'll quarrel and we'll be unhappy. The idea that we will have a strong, happy relationship together, which accompanies the idea that we will always be happy, exposes the irrationality of the expectations of couples. The person who is not yet in a relationship, who remains undecided about who is the right person, who is in the process of engagement, avoids weighing the discussion processes in the relationship from the thought level. There's something to remember in every relationship, which is your relationship will never be a perfect relationship. There will be moments where you have discussions, where you have difficulty reconciling. The important thing is how you behave in situations like this.
There are some points we need to pay attention to during quarrels.
First, let's focus on our body and our emotions. We probably feel intolerance, anger, frustration, incomprehension, worthlessness, anxiety during the problem we have with our partner. When we feel these feelings, we have to control our body. Do we feel the power in our hands and make our hands into fists? We need to keep our pulse below 90 during the quarrels. If we can stabilize our body functions and, of course, regulate our emotions, we can also recognize the thoughts that underlie our emotions that we need to manage. I also suggest you do some breathing exercises to relax.
It is actually our thoughts that affect our emotions and our body in this way. Let's determine what we think about our partner and our relationship, and what we think before, during and after the quarrel.
There's a situation I've observed in therapy where the person is delaying himself at a certain time in his life. Let me just ignore it this time, but I'll cover it up for now, everyone is already going through the same situation. All people around me have the same problems similar to mine, which leads to underestimating the problems. Ending up in the therapy room was the last straw. Couples' arguments are just one of the situations that pave the way for a therapy room. So my first suggestion is that you will definitely discuss it with your partner, accept it and try to resolve these situations. Your discussions in your relationship can lead you to happiness. The more you disagree, the deeper you get to know each other. Each time you choose a compromise, you can become more connected. Try to solve your problems as quickly as possible. If you solve your problems, you will build the trust you have in each other. In your next discussion topics, you can guide your relationship by trying your previous solutions.
In line with the research, it was observed that if the discussions were not resolved, they were also the subject of the next discussions. Each unresolved topic of discussion can lead to repeated problems getting bigger.
I have some advice for couples. Note your language of communication when arguing with your partner.
* Determine your intention to discuss, ask yourself what you want to gain at the end of this conversation. Your desire to punish with your tongue will upset you the most. Determine where you want to get to at the end of the discussion so you don't have to say, “I'm sorry I hurt you.”
* Use ‘I language’ instead of ‘you language’. The accusatory approach and the accompanying defensive phrases, which we see very widely in relationships, draw people away from each other. Your sentences should be like: I want ........... , I need ......... .
* Instead of convincing the other side that you are right about the problem, choose to try ways of reconciliation.
* Don't run away from arguing. What you fear will find you again. Trying to solve the problem will have a more positive impact on your relationship.
* Do not be angry after discussions. Do not leave home. Once your anger is over, take the time to solve the problem and be happy again.
* Accept that you are different and will change over time, and at some point you must stop trying to change.
* Remember that the person you are facing is not your enemy, but your partner. Appreciate him/her, express your feelings gently. State your intentions. Make it loud and clear.
Finally, make time for each other; do not neglect your relationship. If the debate comes out through the gaps of love, it can become more obvious. Try to show your love all the time.
Remember! If happiness remains, unhappy moments will not be allowed.
Stay happy with love and with your beloved one…
Specialist Clinical Psychologist Irem OTURAKLIOGLU