Time To Be At Peace With Yourself
What is amnesty? What is guilt? And what does that have to do with me? Why would I be mad at myself? Why should I forgive myself? It's ridiculous!
I wish I hadn't treated my wife like that, I had not gotten into this job, I had not included this person into my life, I had not uttered these words, etc. That we say so many sentences starting with ‘I wish’…. .This shows that many regrets are happening in our lives. So what happens to these regrets, do they fade away calmly?
Perhaps the most difficult and hurtful feelings in the human being comes from guilt. Guilt is the reflection of our past lives, our wrong decisions, our missteps, in short, our mistakes concerning our psychological wellbeing. In some moments, we flash-back the mistakes in our past life and we can't forgive ourselves. However, forgiving many people's mistakes is perhaps one of the most frequent things we do. We can't show the same understanding for ourselves.
If you can't forgive yourself, if you have a sense of guilt, if you have had a bit of a belief in worthlessness, a bit of insecurity and fear of losing, a bit of anxiety and stress, of course, no surprise that you’re stepping into depression in a few aspects. In fact, at some point, diseases that arise from the desire to punish yourself will come to your mind. At some point, it seems like suicide is the most definitive solution.
Guilt has been explored throughout history by clergy, philosophers, thinkers, psychologists and psychiatrists, and has always been a subject of curiosity. Some have expressed guilt as an essential part of life; whereas others have described it as a useless feeling that it would be better not to.
According to cognitive theory;
1) This creates guilt if you did something you shouldn't or didn't do what you should have done.
2) If you characterize yourself as a ‘bad person’ because of your behaviour, this is guilt.
When you experience this feeling, you will experience depression at the point where you start to think that your existence, your inner world, is bad, and you will have a constant state of unhappiness and restlessness.
A healthy sense of guilt or remorse is when a person thinks that he or she is engaged in a wrong behaviour, but is able to direct this emotion in such a way that he or she does not see his or her self and self as bad.
The basic distinction between remorse and guilt is that you have a belief that you have an inherently bad side to guilt. Guilt directly targets the individual's self, that is, its essence, and it gnaws away his own mind. Healthy remorse is the ability to be aware of the mistakes and take responsibility for those mistakes, and it pushes to be more careful, but it does not target the essence of the individual.
Lack of forgiveness is a very serious problem. Just as an indigestible food damages our organism, we do serious damage to our lives and mental health as long as we do not choose to get rid of problematic parts in our lives that we cannot digest.
STOP BLAMING YOURSELF!
Focus primarily on why you feel guilty. Analyse the underlying emotions. You will not be able to be purified by unresolved emotions.
* Realize that whatever you've done is in the past, you can't bring the past back. Think about what this life gives you, what experience it gives you.
* Sharing this life with someone you trust will be comforting and purifying for you. You can ease the burden of what you're doing from a different perspective.
* Taking therapy will make everything easier for you.
* You should often inspire yourself that no one, including you, can make mistakes, but that it is important to accept your mistakes.
* Imagine how your life will improve when you are free from guilt.
* Know that no matter what you do, sometimes life can go off your course and flow out of our plans.
If we can choose to see the mistakes we have made as an opportunity to actually improve and nurture us, we will be liberated from this guilt. If we have chosen ourselves as the victims of an event and our attitudes towards ourselves are bad, we cannot expect anyone to change it, to heal us, to value us. Because why and how can anyone else give you the value, the goodness, that you don't give yourself?
Choose to get away from all your bad experiences in the past. Recognize your value, compliment yourself and love yourself. You are independent and unique. All you have to do is help yourself a little bit and forgive yourself. You'll see how things work out over time. Stay with love…
Specialist Clinical Psychologist
Sümeyye Nursultan ÇIL